I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
