You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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