You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
