My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
