the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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