you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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