Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
