More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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