He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
