I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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