make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
