Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize