is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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