My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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