wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My balls are so social today.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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