i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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