if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
