You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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