matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
