she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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