I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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