My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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