i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
