At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
