im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My penis needs a shock collar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
