There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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