During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
