I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
