These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
