Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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