i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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