i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
