So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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