Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
