I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I came so hard my ears popped.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
