Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The ass gains better be worth it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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