JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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