Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
