its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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