Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
