butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
