She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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