i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
