I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
