He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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