broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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