I looked at my own cervix.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
