I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
