She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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