i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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