If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
