Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
