I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
