Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
