Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
